I am a trustee of a British Christian magazine. We are not a church, nor a counseling agency, but often people do write to us for help. The managing editor sent one such letter to me recently, and asked me to pray about it.
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While I broke with fundamentalist religion somewhere around , I still struggle. As any therapist will tell you, old mental habits take a long time to break. My inner concept of God still sees him as an all-powerful being that is infinite at everything- including being pissed off. Even looking at the cross under old paradigms of thinking, I still see a Jesus who is dying to protect me from his angry dad- letting dad beat him mercilessly so that I can run out of the room to safety. I remember when we first realized we were losing our daughter— the situation quickly disintegrated, and we knew that loss was probably inevitable. Did I have a lustful thought that caused God to decide to punish me with the loss of a child? I lay awake at am frequently wrestling with this, because I feel like a horrible hypocrite. When it comes to the God who hates me, I want to be an atheist. As a result, our concept of God internalizes into all sorts of other broken thinking, and leads us to see everything bad that happens in life as being a divine punishment from God. Over time, we actually start to believe that God hates us.
The short answer is that God does not hate you. He loves you deeply. He hates what sin has done to you. God created a perfect world that sin corrupted and destroyed. The great news of the gospel is that we can be free of sin! When we consider just how sinful we are before God, it can lead to a painful sense of just how horrible and sinful we really can be.